Hello there! I am still not dead. I have just had my entire life derailed by a couple of weeks with the combined efforts of a chest cold/sinus infection/minor flu, a bunch of missed days of class, and the endless fury of the gods in punishment for my many shortcomings.

On April 21, Brian Graden gave a presentation at Mt. SAC. I wrote an article for class that didn't make it into the print edition on account of missed deadlines (see repulsive paragraph of self-pity above), so here it is. More to come.

----

“Contrary to some authority figures, I actually think you can learn everything you need to know about life from watching television,” joked the man who currently heads the empire that is MTV, VH1 and Logo networks April 21 at Mt. SAC’s music recital hall.

The crowd, consisting of those young adults mostly within the MTV target demographic, heard Brian Graden, the networks’ president, as he spoke about his journey of self-discovery and his rise to the helm of popular culture within the context of the lessons he learned on the way.

Fresh from judging at the Miss USA competition the previous night, Graden interspersed his speech with video clips that made the audience alternately laugh out loud and become soberingly silent.

Graden was tongue-in-cheek about his networks’ role in pop culture, showing among clips from past, current and upcoming shows with a parody clip from YouTube that mocked the pregnant music-filled pauses and drama in “The Hills” as an example of the consequences of his position. Another clip, from “College Library,” depicted a challenge in which a machine slapped a red-faced man repeatedly while a group restrained and shushed him.

“That goes on for half an hour,” Graden said drily.

But the quips were really about Graden’s story of success, which hinged, he said, on finding happiness and remaining true to himself.

Graden described his early life as one of conformity. He attended Harvard University as a youth, was engaged to a woman at a young age and had a career lined up in accounting. But, biologically gay and hating his field of study, he was miserable.

“I was hiding myself from myself,” Graden said.

Eventually Graden followed his happiness and broke into the world of television, convincing people to sign releases on the then-brand-new show, “COPS.”

“It didn’t matter that I was making $200 dollars a week and working 100-hour weeks and getting shot at,” Graden said. “For the first time ever, I was really, truly happy.”

Contrary to popular belief, Graden said, success does not lead to happiness. Rather, the opposite is true.

Part of that process included championing the cause of the animation, which depicted a Santa Claus-Jesus Christ showdown and foul-mouthed children, that later became “South Park,” which, Graden said, lost him a position as a FOX executive when his video Christmas card for personal friends spread beyond control. He stayed with the creators of “South Park” and, after many rejections and a financial and psychological struggle, finally achieved a single pilot at a small network. That network was Comedy Central.

“Do what you love,” Graden continued. “If you are happy, and you make yourself truly happy in this moment, then you’ll end up becoming successful beyond your wildest dreams.”

Graden encouraged the audience not second-guess themselves because of others with a clip from “College Life,” in which a University of Wisconsin in Madison student who was failing math because he partied too much. In reality, Graden said, the student harbored an idea from others that he did not deserve to succeed, even though he was smart enough to pass all his classes.

“If there’s any negative belief that you have about yourself that’s holding you back in any way, let it go,” Graden said. “It’s untrue, and the truth is that everybody in this room deserves all success and all the happiness in this life. It really doesn’t matter where you are at this very moment. It doesn’t matter where you come from, I am certain that it isn’t that. You can transform your life always.”

To illustrate, he showed a clip of Britney Spears stumbling at performance at the Video Music Awards from two years ago, followed by an image of Spears with an armful of VMA trophies.

“I think there’s an illusion out there, thanks to reality TV shows, that inside of 12 weeks you can become a top chef, a famous singer or a survivor just by backstabbing others and not getting eliminated,” Graden said. “The truth is, you’re going to have to work your ass off. But the difference is if you’re doing what you love, it’s really, really fun to do the work.”

After the speech, Graden fielded questions from a smaller group of students and presented, alongside Leisel Reinhart, two scholarships to Mt. SAC students W. Derod Taylor and Heather Rains. The scholarships were funded in lieu of Graden’s speaker fee.

----

Actually I like that I can post it here with a couple contextual links. I was one of the few students at the question fielding, and will try and get a transcript of the Q-and-A up tomorrow. I was pretty excited to have a chance to ask smart questions about things about pop culture I had seen from Merchants of Cool years ago in combination with what I have seen in the media. Instead, I kind of sat there like the useless INTP I am and squeaked out something about education, which was answered pretty admirably. Siiiiigh.

Just behind on posts.
Things this week:

• Midterms
• Articles/interviews
• Catching up on studying/homework
• Work (I grade papers! Oh man do I have stories about being a T.A. in high school. I am an awful employee. Was, I mean. In high school. NOT NOW. Google, shut up about me!)
• Catching up on/re-doing sleep cycle
• Making the trek to the DMV for my written exam
• Rethinking the course of my life

Updates I should make:

• The Malibu runs like a wagon, does this bizarre pulsating revving noise while idle, and is covered in dings and nail polish in improbable places. It will be fixed up and sold to someone who is not me.
• I am really uncomfortable putting too much online right now. This is all too googleable and I hate doing this shovelware blogging but there ain't much I can say without offering a caveat or ten: what I have to say isn't all that interesting or non-libelous. I have really high standards of what I let the world read from me and it isn't this.
• Stuff in the works: the Renaissance Pleasure Faire (awesome nerdy bawdy Sunday), movies I've seen recently on DVD (and my soon-to-be Netflix experience!), stuff I'm doing with my awful draft I completed for 2008's NaNoWriMo (namely, quantifying it in order to separate myself enough to deal with it without having to actually read it), another Series of Transportive Events post, the arrival of my Coraline Nike Dunks in the mail earlier this week (photos to come!! I just need my camera) and several other things I want to roll in (retroactive posts are icky, but I may do them for the sake of organization. Besides, it would be on the timeline -- I went to the Ren Faire on Sunday, for instance, and the Dunks came in Tuesday.)

Keep an eye out for more from the hypnic jerk.
That is all.

Photo credit: shc32 on Flickr via Creative Commons

The other day in my intro Italian class, my professor stopped her lecture and chastised the class for talking too much. I bristled despite myself, remembering my high school days not-too-fondly. I had to control that little nag of annoyance of my classmates and teachers -- it's what caused me to stop attending classes in high school and (consequently) put me here in the first place. What surprised me, though, is that I have yet to escape this stupid dynamic: kids act a little badly, teacher punishes kids, kids feel rebellious, teacher enforces more punishment, kids feel like crap and act more rudely.

It's true that there was a noticeable murmur on one side of the classroom whenever my professor drifted to the other side to answer a question or address someone directly, and she did tell people to quiet down. But the ensuing lecture about keeping our mouths shut while the professor was speaking seemed over the top to me. At several points she mentioned incredulously that she was not teaching kindergarten. If this is so, why were we being lectured about this at all? Wouldn't a polite reminder of respect suffice? Most of us at community college are technically adults by now, and I can't help but feel that we hardly act and are treated as such.

I have to wonder sometimes -- had I not screwed up so badly in high school, would I be in a four-year university right now? And would a professor of a four-year university harp on things like loudness and attendance?

I think the concepts of being an adult at four-years and community colleges are very, very different. At the CC level, most people are commuting and working and raising families or living at home and working toward a discernible goal. At higher-level schools dorms evoke a kind of childishness and don't really encourage work or family obligations. Yet I get the impression that rude conversations and ensuing diatribes wouldn't be tolerated at a four-year school. Why is it a norm here?

Also: SIIIGH ATTENDANCE. It enrages me that this is tied to grades at the CC level. If I can get my work done and the tests aced but I still miss a couple of classes, then I shouldn't be docked for a personal choice (or illness, in my case). I know that if I miss too much class I will fail. Things like attendance and self-control (texting? are you serious?) should be a personal responsibility for alleged adults. Professors shouldn't have to enforce this stuff.

Jonathan Mann -- of Song A Day fame -- invoked the lip-synching talents of the print-dinosaur staffers at his local alternative weekly, the East Bay Express.

Devastatingly hilarious and hopefully untrue. Maybe it'd work on my CC campus, though ...

I already have Mann's "Hey Paul Krugman" in my head, and now this? GET OUT OF MY LIFE JONATHAN MANN

EDIT 4/3/09: Quick and easy way to see if you're infected, redux:

The Conficker Eyechart

From the site:

Conficker (aka Downadup, Kido) is known to block access to over 100 anti-virus and security websites.
If you are blocked from loading the remote images in the first row of the top table above (AV/security sites) but not blocked from loading the remote images in the second row (websites of alternative operating systems) then your Windows PC may be infected by Conficker (or some other malicious software).

/EDIT

Earlier tonight, my dad walked in here and warned me about the "April Fool's virus," also known as Conficker.C. I brushed this off after a quick check of my updates. Then my mother, who knows little about the ways of computers, offered me the same warning. My interest was piqued.

As it turns out, ABC 7 aired a highly sensationalistic segment about Conficker, which of course embarrassed me to no end. When these stories come about, I sometimes -- very quietly, and in the back of my brain -- balk at becoming a journalist. (I almost lost it and had to stop the video at "It may be one of the most dangerous computer viruses ever!" [Emphasis added].)

I'm not exactly technically inclined, but I do lurk around the geekier circles of the Internet. I am very painfully aware what role the media tends to play in f'ing up the details when it comes to reporting on science and technology. I've been cringing through the hype. Part of me is glad that this increases awareness of overall computer safety by offering people all the defensive tips that they should be doing anyway (a lot of antivirus company reps, who I will not link here, are jumping to offer their quotes and figures). But part of me wants responsible journalism and good solid facts.

Not that this media frenzy is entirely unwarranted. It's true that Conficker executes its call home function on April 1. It's true that no one really knows what will happen when the virus accesses its hundreds -- soon to be tens of thousands -- designated websites and (maybe) collects whatever its instructions will be from its writer.

Theoretically, Conficker could update on April 1. Part of this could hypothetically mean gathering keyloggers out to steal your passwords and bank information. But overall this "April 1" thing seems to mean that Conficker will simply activate a new algorithm that generates the domain names for the web sites that tell it what to do. But this is not its payload: it could maybe possibly download a payload, and that's what's got security experts watching closely. No one knows what it's going to do just yet.


Rick Romero, ABC7 Consumer Specialist.

Conflicker has been closely watched since its first version, Conflicker.A, came about, and the scariest thing about it so far is its ingenious evolution over subsequent versions. It sneaks in though an unpatched flaw in Windows XP and Vista or through an infected USB device or CDs (in my reading, it can even infect XP boot discs, the little bastard). Once it's in your system, there's not much you can do; it disrupts antivirus software and Windows updates, booting up in safe mode, and access to PC security-oriented websites aimed at eradicating it. It's a nasty worm all around.

I apologize in advance for my own vague understanding of this threat. I realize this leaves me open to a lot of ribbing. Sometimes I wonder if I should add some diversity to my classes and up science classes. I think my dream job might have something to do with helping the media get the layman translation for pure science out to the general public. That way I wouldn't feel so much of the "GET HEADLINE OUT THERE" pressure and I'd learn some pretty neat stuff all the time. Though I suppose this kind of publicity helps with funding for projects. I digress.

A quick and easy way to check if you're infected with Conficker: try accessing any site that offers help, like Microsoft or Symantec. The virus will block access to these sites, which makes Rick Romero's link to Microsoft's Malicious Software Removal Tool a little moot, but who knows.